Azula's First Date
by Remenants
Summary: Two bored Fire Nation nobles make a very very stupid bet on the nature of romance. Violence and Hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

Azula's First Date

This takes place after the episode 'The Beach' but before 'The Day of Black Sun.'

This is just for fun; all intellectual properties belong to the creators of Avatar and Nickelodeon.

She shielded her eyes from the glaring light as the door banged open. The guards entered nosily pushing two forms down the stairs to the cells below. They were dressed in the latest fashion for Fire Nation ladies. Ribbons in their hair, and dresses with just the slightest hint of red lace, all tied together with a decorative sash that usually cost more than most people earned in a life time.

The pair were roughly shoved into the cell that was across the hall from her. The guards did a slow spot check of all the other prisoners and then proceeded out of the dungeon with as much noise as possible. The door slammed and the world was returned to darkness and the sounds of despair and imprisonment.

One of the well-dressed new arrivals got up from the floor and smacked the other. "Social experiment my ass!" A very male voice said. "Look where it got us!"

A whimper was the only response as the other, definitely male, prisoner curled up in a ball in the corner.

Her curiosity won out over her better instincts and she crawled over to the bars. "Psst."

"Hmm?" The upset boy in drag looked up at her. "What do you want?"

"What's the matter with him?" She nodded at the man curling up and shaking in the cell corner.

The guy in drag sighed and sat down leaning against the bars. "It all started with a bet, and ended with him doing the most dangerous thing in the world. I suppose we're lucky just to end up here."

She blinked. "What was the bet about?"

"It was about love."

One Week Earlier

Click

"So you're saying you don't believe in love?"

Click

"No. To deny that love exists is to deny the existence of the moon. I'm saying that this illusion of love that poets try to push these days is a wild animal."

Click

The Pai Sho parlor was always a pleasant place. It smelled of cinnamon and that vague scene that is always present in libraries, bookstores, and classrooms during a test. That faint aroma of sweat, dust, and quiet effort, one could bottle it and call it 'eau de intelligence.'

The tables were well made, and the two girls who brought drinks to the old men were cute and kind, giggling properly when the old men made a joking pass at them. The drinks were fresh, the tea was sweet, and they even had those little crackers that just made the entire activity perfection.

It was a good day as well. The tables were all occupied and there was the nice quiet buzz of conversation at all the tables. The only strange thing a casual observer might see would be the two young boys playing a game at a table by the east wall, to a regular of the parlor however, they were as common as clay.

"So you think of love as an untamed beast?" The black haired boy with short hair that seemed to always be in his eyes, his pale hand hovered over the board. A sudden movement and suddenly there was a piece on the board.

Click

"Exactly." The other boy across from him responded eyes locked on the board. He was tall, slightly tan, and had his sandy brown hair tied back in a topknot. "And just as dangerous as well. Look at how many people have destroyed themselves and others in the name of love."

Click

"Fair enough. So, there's no way to fight it?" The black haired boy responded. "We are all hapless victims in the path of love? Rather a bleak view for you Chou."

Click

"Ah, this is only half of my intellectual concept Shi." The other boy responded. "Love cannot be controlled by man, yes. However, there are other elements that can control love, and man can control them. So, in a way a well educated man could be able to guide love to his desiring." Chou took a sip of tea. "There's no way to totally control or predict the behaviors of love, but you can get close."

Click

Shi frowned. "So you say an 'educated man' can use tools to manipulate love?"

Click

"Of course; romance, profiling, gifts. I can't make people fall in love with me. That's impossible, but with my methods I feel like I could successfully date any girl in the fire nation."

Shi and Chou were privileged to say the least, both coming from noble families. They had been taught by private tutors, trained by personal trainers, and allowed all the benefits of life that allowed them to spend their days playing Pai Sho with each other. They would talk with each other, share jokes, swap stories, and often compare theories and viewpoints. More often than not whenever they did that it would invariably end in only one possible way.

"Really? You're so sure about that are you?" Shi smiled. "What are you willing to stake on that idea?"

Click

It would end in a wager.

Chou sat back from the table a bemused look on his face. "Well, that all depends on what you want to have demonstrated." Chou tilted his head back and forth staring at the space above Shi's head. "I could go out on a date with one of the serving girls?"

"Oh please." Shi scoffed. "Far too easy. I'll pick the girl."

"Alright." Chou nodded and then his eyes lit up with revelation. "And when I prove myself an expert in understanding how women behave, you have to dress like one...for a month."

Shi blinked and then nodded. "Same stakes to you if you lose?"

Chou nodded, smiling. "Of course. One date with any girl that you pick."

"You need to get a goodnight kiss from her too."

"What?"

"It's not a proper date if it doesn't end with a kiss, right?" Shi said smiling evilly.

Chou harrumphed and nodded. "Fine, but she has to be around our age. No going out and picking some old crone or a fie year old."

Shi sighed in annoyance and nodded. "Fine. One girl our age, you have to ask her out on a date, have a full date, and end with a goodnight kiss."

Chou nodded. "Winner makes the other wear women's clothes for a month. Also, normal assistance rules apply. You'll be there to help me with the date."

Shi nodded. "No helping, no harming, there as a witness and any directed assistance within reason."

Chou extended his hand. "Sounds fair friend. I have a lovely hat of my grandmothers in mind for you."

Shi grinned and shook it. "Oh and you're going to look lovely in my elder sister's shoes."

Both of them sat back and returned to the game.

"So," Chou said picking up a game piece. "Who's going to be the lucky girl?"

Click

Shi paused to think for a second, and then he remembered what had happened when he had visited Ember Island a few weeks ago. A large smile crept across his face. "Oh, I have the perfect girl in mind, and she's exactly our age."

Click

"Who?"

Click

"Azula."

Click

A long pause. Chou looked up at his good friend Shi. "You mean the Azula who works in the fish market? The one with the squint?" The tone of desperate hope was clear in his voice.

A soft click.

"Nope!" Shi said happily as only someone who has screwed someone over so completely can. "The girl you are going to 'romance' is the great Princess Azula."

Click.

She blinked at the boy across from her. "What made you choose her?"

"Momentary insanity." Shi sighed. "That's how it all started."

"What happened next?"

"The courtship."


	2. Chapter 2

Azula's First Date

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Nick owns Avatar, I own squat. This is just for fun.

They sat in silence as the guard entered the room, giving each cell their daily ration of something a rat might mistake for being food…provided that the rat was blind, and a stuffed nose, and deathly ill. Still, when you're a prisoner of a woman whose birth caused several terminally ill people to make miraculous recoveries because the amount of evil in the world was literally sucked away to one focal point…you're happy with what you get.

The guard left and for a moment there was just the sounds of people eating, then it moved into the familiar sound of general despondency and soul crushing despair. It's similar to what you might hear at the DMV or the waiting room of the IRS customer service lobby.

She then moved next to her door as Shi did the same. True it wasn't helping her in the rather urgent goal of 'Get out of this place as fast as possible.' But anything that kept her mind off of her woes…and him…was welcomed.

"So," She whispered. "Where were we?"

"Butterfly brain here was executing his brilliant plan to ask Azula out on a date due to our bet."

She frowned. "Why would he agree to do something as suicidal as that?"

Shi sighed. "It's been a tradition in our families, we've been betting on the strangest things since the beginning." He shrugged. "It always seemed like harmless fun. It was never for money, and it kept all of us smart and alert."

"What kind of bets?"

"Oh, which rotting fish corpse the most flies would land on, how long we could go without using our left hand. Stupid things. It's our version of fun."

"And you wonder why people dislike Fire Nation nobles." She muttered.

"You want me to continue the story or not?" Shi scowled.

"Alright, alright. Sorry." She chanced a slight smile. This was far better than what she had been enduring. "You were about to start with how your friend Chou managed to ask Azula on a date and still keep the skin on his face."

"Right, that part was surprisingly easy."

----

"You wrote a letter?"

Click

"Yep."

Click

"That's it?"

Click

"That was it."

Click

"What did it say?"

Click

"To Azula," Chou cleared his throat. "I have seen you several times and each time I feel my heart skip a beat. I know you do not know me well, apart from being yet another face in the crowd. Regardless I am steeling my courage, to ask you for a chance to get to know each other. Please meet me by the bell tower today at 4. Sincerely, Chou Karumai."

"You wrote Azula that note?" Shi blinked.

Chou grinned widely and shook his head. "No. I didn't write this letter to Azula."

"But you sent it to the palace?"

"Yes."

"It's addressed for Azula."

"Yes."

"But it isn't for Azula?"

"Nope."

"It's 3ish now isn't it?" Shi said frowning, still not comprehending.

"Yes it is…and," Click. "That's game." Chou stood up smiling at Shi's scowling and confused face. "Come on. Let's go, if I remember right she's absurdly punctual."

Azula was standing there with Mai and Ty Lee in tow.

Then she spotted Chou and Shi.

She did not look happy.

At that moment Shi and Chou realized the caliber of mistake they had made and how man is not only very very mortal but has an immense capacity for pain.

"You are…" She glanced at the paper and then back at Chou. "Chou Karuami?"

"Y-y-yes…your highness."

Azula's eyes narrowed and she scanned the courtyard for any possible dangers or threats. "You wrote this letter?"

"Yes your majesty…please don't kill me."

"We'll see…" Azula still wasn't smiling. "Why did you write me this…thing?"

"Well…y-you see…there's..." He swallowed. Shi was desperately looking for a way to run or a cabbage cart to duck under. "There's been a mistake."

"Oh," Azula smiled. Shi was impressed that he managed to keep from soiling himself. "You have no idea how right you are about that." She raised a hand.

"THE LETTER WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU!" Chou shrieked.

Azula paused. "Excuse me?"

Chou looked up. "The messenger I gave it to must have had given it to you in mistake."

She blinked. She hadn't expected something like this. "But this letter had my name on it." Confusion had taken sway over the rest of her emotions for the moment. Soon it would be replaced by anger, raw, overpowering, land razing violence.

"There's another girl named Azula." He took a deep breath. "The letter was meant for her."

"There is?" Azula found her rage was honestly fading.

"Yeah. She…she works down at the fish market." Chou was staring at the ground. "There's been some terrible terrible mistake. I'm SO sorry. Pleasedontkillme!"

Azula blinked, and then sighed. This wasn't fun anymore. "Fine, get up and get out of my sight." She turned to leave and motioned for her girls to follow.

Chou and Shi made land speed records running back to the safety of their sacred Pai Sho parlor.

"THAT was your plan!?" Shi snapped at Chou as he snapped a piece down with far too much force than necessary.

CLICK

"Yeah…yeah it was." Chou placed a piece down with shaking hand. He took a deep breath.

Click

"Okay, so she got the wrong letter and she didn't kill us. Now what?" Shi stared at his friend with a smile. "Cause if you are willing to give up now I'll just make you wear a hat."

Click

"I'm not giving up yet." Chou smiled. "Now we just have to sit down and wait."

Click

"Wait? Wait for what?" Shi frowned.

Click

"For Azula to see herself…so to speak."

Click

"What are you talking about?!"

Click

"Just wait." Chou grinned and slammed down the last piece. "That's game."

"NUTS!"

In her parlor Azula frowned as she stared at the letter. It was a stupid mistake. Some inconsequential boy had feelings for some nothing of a woman that just happened to share her name. Ah well, stranger things had happened. She had other things to worry about.

---

"Hold on!" She interrupted Shi's story. "How do you know what Azula did? I thought you and butterfly brain over there were busy making up your wills?"

"Azula's little toady told me."

"Who?"

"The hyper bouncy one?"

"Oh, Ty Lee."

"Is that her name? Eh, whatever, anyway while Chou was being…"

The pair looked at the huddled figure in the corner. He had stopped rocking back and forth and had moved on to advanced mumbling.

"Entertained. Ty Lee cheerfully told me about Azula's actions and was rather enthusiastic on her musings on what was going to occur to our personages."

She paused. "What?!"

Shi cleared his throat and did a rather poor impression of Azula's crony. "I can't even image what cool kind of torture Azula's planning for you! She's REALLY mad at you guys!"

"Alright, alright. Keep going, just…don't do that again."

---

She looked up at Mai, she was looking at a mirror and messing with her hair.

"What are you doing?"

"Zuko and I have a date tomorrow." Mai replied calmly. "I want to get ready."

"But if your date is tomorrow then why are you teasing your hair today?" Azula asked.

Mai shrugged. "I just want it to look right."

"Oh." Azula went back to looking at the letter. Suddenly she stood up and looked at Ty Lee who was playing with a child's cup and ball toy. "We're going out."

"Oh goody!" She tossed the toy aside. "Where are we going?"

"To the fish market."

Ty Lee frowned. "Eww. I hate the smell of fishy, they're all…fishy smelling."

"We're going."

"Oh! Are we going to go see the other Azula? Cool! I wonder if she's anything like you!"

"I'm sure she isn't." Azula smiled. "I mean, how could some fish gutter compare to me?"

The other Azula couldn't compare. That was for sure. Oh it wasn't that she was bad looking, she had nice black hair tied up in a bun, her skin was nice and she had a sweet smile. She also had, Azula had to admit, beautiful hands, free of blemishes, elegant thin fingers, and amazing dexterity. She could gut and filet and entire OctoEel in less than a minute.

But that squint! It seemed to dominate her entire face, you couldn't even tell what color her eyes were. Even in the dark of the inner fish market it was as if she was staring into the sun. It also affected the rest of her face, when she wasn't giving that sweet smile she looked like she was sucking on a lemon.

Ty Lee was her usual self, bouncing around the Other Azula, asking questions and getting in her way.

Azula stared at her frowning, one thought going through her mind. _How could that boy desire THIS Azula over me?! She nowhere as pretty, can't bend at all, no wealth or power, and what's so special about her? The fact that she could gut a fish? I bet she even reeks of fish all the time!_

Still Azula put on her best smile and walked up to the young lady behind the counter.

"Umm hello…Azula."

"For the last time you little pest I do-" Other Azula looked up and stopped mid sentence. "Oh, Your Majesty." She did an actual curtsey. "I'm humbled by your presence. How may I serve you?"

"Umm…well." Azula was a little thrown by the show of pure subservience. "What's…what's good?"

"Well," Other Azula smiled. "We just got a fresh shipment of Spider Shrimp. I can get you the freshest pick if you'd like."

"Uhhh, no. No…thank you?" She frowned. "So, your name is Azula?"

"Yes your majesty." She smiled as she started to shell the crustaceans. "It's always been a bit of a joke around all of us. They call me the princess of the fish market." She giggled. "Funny isn't it?"

Azula narrowed her eyes. "Change it."

"Excuse me your majesty?"

"Go down to the city scribes and change your name." She pointed in the building's general direction. "Do it now."

"B-but your majesty…" Other Azula said shock visible in her face. "I've…I mean…"

"There will only be ONE Azula in this city." Azula smiled and leaned over the fish counter to whisper in the Other Azula's ear. "And it will happen one way or another."

The girl was shaking as she nodded. "Y-y-yes your majesty, I did not mean to offend." She was on the verge of tears. Azula fought back the urge to laugh. "W-what shall my new name be?"

Azula scoffed and turned to her companion. "Ty Lee? What shall be the Fish Princess' new name?"

"Umm…well…let's see!" Ty Lee bounded over and landed on top of the counter and stared into the girl's squinty face. "Squinty Fishy Girl? No…Scalely? No, no…" Ty Lee suddenly smiled and jumped back. "I got it! She can be called Wincey! Princess Wincey!" Ty Lee looked very proud of herself.

"Oh I like that name." Azula grabbed the poor girl by the wrist and made her stand up on the counter. "Attention everyone! Attention!" She cried to the crowd. The focus of the crowd was already heavily focused on the visiting royalty and now it was the only thing of notice. "I would like to announce by Royal decree that this girl," She pointed at the standing girl, who was now openly sobbing. "Shall no longer be called Azula. That is MY name. HER name is now 'Princess Wincey' everyone is to call her by THAT name and NONE other. UNDERSTAND?!"

The crowd nodded in unison. Terrified. 'Princess Wincey' just stood there tears dripping down her cheek.

"Good!" Azula said cheerfully. "You can now come down Princess, and we can go get your name officially changed."

Later that day Azula returned to the palace, satisfi-

---

"What happened to her?"

"Huh?" Shi stopped his story. "What happened to who?"

"The other Azula, Princess Wincey." She asked.

Shi paused. "Why don't we say she grew to like her new name and she really did become the Princess of the fish market."

She paused, a cold feeling in her stomach. "Is that what happened?"

"I prefer that version of the story." Shi said.

There was a long silence.

"Shall I continue?"

"Yes. Please."

---

Later that day Azula returned to the palace quite satisfied with herself. Still, there was something that was bothering her. That…boy…that had wanted to go out on a date with 'Princess Wincey.' How could he want to go out with that fishy squinty mess? After all, why have her when that boy…Chou was it? When Chou, could go out with the Princess of the Fire Nation? She would make a MUCH better date, a superior date, the best date. She had checked up on him, he was of proper nobility that she could be seen with him.

She stared at Mai still preening herself and scowled. If Zuzu and Mai could go out tomorrow, then so could she!

"Ty Lee!" She stood up. "Tell me…how does one…go out on a date?"

---

Click

"You have to understand the power of this strategy." Shi said as he placed his piece.

Click

"Is your strategy to find a way to lose quicker?" Chou chuckled. "I mean, if you just want to admit defeat, I'm more than happy to accept."

Click

"Oh, just you wait, you'll see how you're falling into my brilliant trap." Shi waved a finger in his face.

He remained in that pose when Azula threw open the curtain and stormed inside. She walked up to Chou who had frozen like a deer in the headlights. "You will be taking me on a date tomorrow. I will expect…" she consulted a small piece of paper in her hand. "Entertainment, dinner, and you giving your complete and utter attention upon me. All of these elements will of course be fitting of a princess." She smiled at Chou. "I will expect to see you tomorrow at dusk. It'll be fun!"

She left with what the other old men at the Pai Sho parlor would describe as being a skip in her step.

"Told ya all I had to do was wait…" Chou mumbled.

CLUNK

That was the sound of Chou hitting the ground as he passed out.

---

She let out a low whistle. "Pretty clever. So, what? You two tried to skip town and that's why you're here?"

Shi shook his head. "No, he went on the date."

She choked back a laugh. "Alright, how did it begin?"

"How do you expect? With violence of course."


	3. Chapter 3

Azula's First Date

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Avatar belongs to Nickelodeon, nothing belongs to me. This is for fun.

The guards came for their rounds of the special prisoners. You always had to be very careful about the ones in these cells. There was no paperwork on them, they weren't sentenced, and officially they didn't exist. Still, for non-existing they gave the guards a lot of trouble. Begging; pleading; threats; offering bribes of money, goods, their own bodies; and of course there were the silent ones who were the worst of all. The guard always felt a little chill when another cell went quiet. Today, two more had gone silent. Still he performed his job as only someone who, when judgment or the courts calls, blinks and recites that they were merely following orders, as if that excused one of all wrong doing. Ozai had made sure that those kinds of people were the ones who patrolled this prison. He half suspected that even after he was gone there would still be guards patrolling those cells, keeping those people locked up in there forever out of force of habit as long as no one told them differently. He wrote a poem about it. It's not bad, a solid B in any English class.

The guard left a little early that day. His daughter's first day of school was today and he wanted to be there to walk her home. When he left the two quiet cells became a hub of activity. Shi slid up next to the bars and cleared his throat.

She responded by coughing in a staccato manner.

A moment of silence as they waited to make absolutely sure that they would not be interrupted. She wondered why she had to go through all of this, it wasn't as if talking to another prisoner was a crime. She doubted the others here cared, or in some cases were capable of understanding…or even hearing. Still, it was exciting, and it kept her mind occupied and, when the danger of discovery did occur, sent adrenaline through her system. Listening to Shi's story had become a survival technique for her spirit.

Not to mention it was just starting to get good.

"So, what did you guys do?"

"I didn't do a damn thing." Shi said. "He was the one taking her out on a date, he got to figure out what he was gonna do. I just had to come along and help him, when he asked for it."

"Why would you help him anyway? You'd be helping him win the bet, wouldn't you?" She asked.

"Yeah, but it keeps us from cheating and it's not like I have to go out of my way to help him." He shrugged. "Besides, it's fun to watch each other fail. Anyway, so while Chou was panicking, Azula was planning."

"We back to Ty Lee's story?"

"No actually, her brother's." He shrugged. "While I was waiting for Chou he came and…"

"Gloat like Ty Lee did?"

"No actually he shook my hand and congratulated me on pulling our prank on his sister."

"Zuko…Prince Zuko…scar on his face, lousy haircut?"

"Yeah." Shi cleared his voice and did a fairly decent impression of Zuko. "I just wanted to shake the hand of one of the guys who taught my sister a lesson while it's still attached to your body."

She blinked and let out a quick laugh.

"Glad you think it's funny." Shi mumbled. "It wasn't so encouraging for me."

"Did Mai say anything?"

"Who?"

"Sulky looking woman, serious face?"

"Oh yeah, she was with the Prince. Didn't say anything, just smirked."

"The Fire Lord didn't come to give good tidings to you, did he?" She grinned.

"No, and I thank the spirits for that. I don't even want to think what her parents would do to us." He looked at the sleeping, still huddled, form of his best friend. "I still don't know what Azula did to him."

"Alright, alright." She sighed. "We're getting off topic. Go back to the story."

"Fine, so the night before the date…"

---

"So…" Azula narrowed her eyes at Ty Lee. "I am expected to find his company and attentions…pleasant?"

"Yeah!" Ty Lee grinned. "It's fun."

"Why?"

Ty Lee shrugged. "I dunno…you get to go out, and the guys do nice things for you."

Zuko just smirked.

Azula shot him a glare that could have melted marble. "I suppose you would be the expert on dating wouldn't you Zuzu? After all, you had plenty of practice with all those Earth Nation girls didn't you? What was the last one named…Jin was it? "

Mai shot Zuko a dirty look and stormed out of the room. Zuko followed suit with requests for an audience, forgiveness, and an offer to jump in the fountain again.

---

"Jump in the fountain?"

"Ty Lee didn't elaborate."

"Oh…did he end up in the fountain?"

"Just because I like the image of his highness sopping wet…and with the possibility of a concussion if he hit his head, I'm going to say yes." Shi smiled.

She chuckled. "You're very good at telling 'true' stories aren't you?"

"My family has been the official scribes of the Fire Nation's library for generations, twisting the truth is in our blood. May I continue?"

"Sorry."

---

"So," Azula turned back to Ty Lee. "The female receives all these free offerings. What does the male receive? What is the entire purpose of this ritual?"

Ty Lee blinked. "Don't you know? The guys do that so…well…hopefully…" Ty Lee blushed.

Azula blinked, gained a look of startled realization, and then actually blushed. "Oh. That."

"Yeah." Ty Lee grinned. "Like when the guy messenger birds go and puff up their feathers so the girl birds will go a-"

"I KNOW!" She said holing up her hand. "I had…the talk…with Lo and Li." She shuddered involuntarily at the memory of THAT lecture. She also became inspired for a new way to torture people. She suddenly looked up, eyes wide. "Surely that boy doesn't expect to go and have r-"

"Nononono!" Ty Lee waved her hands. "I'm sure he doesn't, like it said in his letter, he just wants to get to know you."

"Ah." Azula nodded. "I see, this is a way to gauge compatibility with another so see if their relationship with each other is both suitable and strong." She smiled nodding. "Well, I seem to have a proper understanding of the situation." She stood up. "Now, I need something proper to wear and nothing I currently have will do."

"Yay! We're going shopping!" Ty Lee squealed.

---

The day of the date was beautiful, not a cloud in the sky. A peaceful day that made even the most troubled heart lighter.

Chou's heart was not troubled. Chou's heart was not saddened, stressed, worried, or at ill ease. It was focused, focused with mind numbing panic. Still, for a person literally hours away from a date with destiny…a short, painful, violent destiny. He was surprisingly calm.

Shi did not share his level of composure. They sat in their Pai Sho parlor, Shi trying not to hyperventilate, and Chou serenely staring at the Pai Sho board as if the mysteries of the universe could be found within.

"How can you be so calm?!" Shi gasped. "I think I might have a heart attack at any moment!"

"I've got it all figured out my friend." Chou didn't so much as twitch. His voice had that soft waver in it. The kind of tone that screams 'if you make a sudden move around this person the management will not be responsible for whatever part of your body you lose.' He smiled. "First there's an Agni Kai tonight. We're going there. Then I've got reservations for Madusara."

Shi let out a low whistle. "Madusara's? That place takes reservations months in advance. Nice."

Chou nodded.

"Oh, what's the Agni Kai about?" Shi asked. "Are we putting down bets as usual?"

Chou answered that last question with a 'You're kidding me' look. He shrugged. "I have no idea who…I think some father is trying to kill some boy for being found having…relations with his child."

Shi frowned. "Isn't that normally something for the court?"

Chou shrugged. "Both children were legal and they both say that they wanted to do it."

Shi scoffed. "Then what's the problem? Daddy too protective of his little girl?"

"You need to change that statement."

"Huh? What part?"

"The last word."

"What? Gi-oooohhhhhhh." Shi nodded. "Oh. Oh yeah, that makes a lot more sense now." He sighed. "Stupid for the kid to get caught though." A slight grin started to form on Shi's face.

"Not. The. Time." Chou shoot him a look of death.

---

"WHAT?!" She gasped. "You…you're not saying that…"

"I'm not saying a damn thing." Shi snapped. "You're gonna stop what you're thinking right now, or else we're no longer talking."

She couldn't help it. She let out a small giggle. "Sorry. Sorry. You're right. It's not important. Keep going."

Shi knew she couldn't see him that well, but if looks could bend fire, She would be a pile of ashes.

"Anyway…"

---

"I also rented a private, engraved, rickshaw." He smiled, a look bordering on hysteria. "I think I've cashed in every favor and spent I have no idea how much."

"Sounds about normal for a date." Shi grinned. "So, how will I be assisting you tonight?"

Chou grinned. "I managed to save a little money actually."

"How?"

"I didn't hire someone to pull the rickshaw."

"Then how…oh…you son of a sky bison."

"I also got you a suit."

"I hope she burns your face off." Shi grumbled.

"It'll be my face if I'm lucky." Chou moaned. "Well…we better get started."

At dusk Azula stepped out of the palace to see Chou standing there with his rickshaw, a uniformed driver, and a bouquet of red lilies. "You look amazing." Chou said.

That Azula did, she was dressed in a custom made red evening dress with a very tasteful slit up the side, with a gold trim done in a flame pattern. She had her make-up on as usual and her hair was done in a long single braid laid across her shoulder and tied with a red ribbon. Completing the outfit was a pair of black sandals and a small piece of paper full of advice that Ty Lee had written up for her. She took a quick glance at her cheat sheet.

_Compliment him on how he looks._

---

"I managed to get my hands on it later in the evening when she dropped it." Shi explained. "To answer your oncoming question."

"Fine, fine. Keep going." She said.

---

"You…" Azula searched her mind. "Appear to be not suffering from any illness." There, she checked that obligation off the list in her mind.

Chou blinked. "Thank you?" He recovered quickly and held out his hand to help Azula into the rickshaw.

"You didn't get me a palanquin, or a carriage?" She gave Chou a slightly annoyed look.

"I…umm…well…" Chou scrambled for something, anything to say in response.

Relief washed over him in a tsunami as she sighed. "I suppose it is barely adequate. Where are we going on this date?"

"To the Agni Kai that is scheduled tonight." He said.

She raised an eyebrow. "Really? Who's fighting?"

"An enraged father and a young man filled with pride and self-confidence." Chou said. He was actually looking forward to it actually. He and Shi always liked making commentary on the battles.

Azula tilted her head and pursed her lips in interest. "That should be entertaining. They are both benders of course."

"Of course." He smiled. "What kind of Agni Kai would it be if they weren't?"

Azula extended her hand and let Chou help her into her seat. "Not one at all." She proceeded to make herself comfortable. "I don't even understand why people who can't Firebend even consider the idea that they can participate."

Chou carefully sat down next to Azula, pressing himself against the opposite side as much as possible. He still managed to keep his composure. "Bending is a truly impressive art. You are one of the best there is, correct?"

"I AM the best." Azula said looking at Chou. "You can Firebend too of course, so I expect you already know all about its power."

"Oh of course." Chou nodded. Internally he was panicking. He couldn't Firebend. Shi could, and was adequately trained. He had come from a life of privilege, so there wasn't any real need for him to be able to Firebend. He was in deep deep trouble. "I'm nowhere near as good as you though."

"Of course you aren't. Now, let us go to the Agni Kai."

"Certainly. Servant!" He yelled at Shi. "Take us to the Agni Kai arena. Quickly, or I'll take it out of your hide!"

Shi shot Chou a glare and grumbled under his breath. "If she doesn't kill you buddy, I'm going to." He took up the reigns of the rickshaw and pulled.

Azula looked at her cheat sheet.

_Ask him about himself._

_You don't HAVE to listen._

"So…what exactly do you do?" Azula turned to Chou and forced what she thought was a sincere smile. It looked like she was in pain.

"Well, I'm studying under my father. I hope to become as great a man as he is."

"What does he do?"

"He owns the shipyard here." Chou nodded. "He's ordered the construction of nearly every ship in the fleet."

"Really?"

"Oh yes, he helped build the Imperial Frigate, as well as the custom work of Prince Zuko's ship."

"My brother's ship?" She smirked.

Chou shook his head frowning. "He nearly had a heart attack when he heard what had happened to it. He took all that time, found the best planners and architects, and had his workers and slaves work all day and night on it. Then what happens to it?" Chou scoffed. "But I will not speak ill of your brother."

"Good." Azula said. She meant it too, no one was allowed to insult Zuzu but her. "Tell me," Idle curiosity played across her mind. "Has your father ever served on a ship?"

"No, to tell you the truth, he can't even swim." Chou rolled his eyes. "He hates the ocean, and gets sea sick all the time." Chou nodded. "That doesn't stop my father from making fine ships. He just finds the best people to draw up the plans, since he found them, and his workers and slaves built the ships, then they are his ships. You never make money by working, you make money by using other people to work for you."

Azula smiled and nodded. "Your father is a wise man."

"I hope to do him proud," Chou smiled. "You should visit his office. I know he has some special schematics set away for special people. He'd make you the greatest ship in the fleet."

"I may do that." Azula said. She had stopped listening. The boy was from a rich family and his father apparently had a brain. Fine, good, whatever.

They soon arrived at the arena for the fight. There was a bit of a crowd as the rumors of scandal and deviancy were always a good draw. However, there were no real big names in the Fire Nation involved, so it wasn't too big.

Chou helped Azula out from the rickshaw and escorted her to their 'seats.' They were fairly easy to get. Chou went to the Agni Kai officials and explained WHO was coming that evening, WHO he was going to blame if she didn't get good seats, and left it to their imaginations WHAT she would do to them if she was displeased.

So, at the edge of the ring, with a clear view of everything, as well as a good three foot radius from all around them, sat their seats. Well, two silken pillows of the highest quality with a slip of parchment placed upon each. One saying 'reserved' the other 'reserved for royalty.'

"Pillows?" She raised an eyebrow. "That's all you offer me? Pillows on the dirt?"

Chou was still running on a few threads of adrenaline fueled intelligence by this point and didn't need to think twice about this one.

"They had chairs but they were either stone or just bare wood. I would have ordered them to bring in something suitable, but it would have delayed the fight this evening." He said in one breath.

"Well then." She put on her best 'cheerfully haughty, and by the way guess which one of your limbs I'm going to burn off' face and smiled at Chou. "I suppose it will do, I don't want them to have time to rethink fighting or else this would be a very…disappointing evening."

---

"For the record." Shi held up a hand. "I think all people should have a limit on the number of those damn significant pauses they can use in their life."

"What ever do you…mean?" She said, in a rather good imitation of the Fire Princess.

The pair burst into laughter for a moment.

"Okay okay," Shi took a breath. "Sorry, I got distracted. Where were we? Ah right."

---

Azula looked at her cheat sheet card as she and whoever she was with sat down on their cushions.

_POLITELY ask for him to get refreshments_

"Boy." She said, not turning her head. "I require a drink. Go fetch me something." She took a deep breath and bit the bullet. "Please…do so, so I wont have to be upset."

"At once your highness." Chou snapped his fingers at Shi. "Servant! Drinks at once for the both of us!" Shi gave his best friend yet another death glare before he went to find a stand selling them…or barring that a fruit stand, a glass, and a big rock, first he'd squeeze a cup of fresh fruit juice for Azula, then he'd use the rock to smash in his friend's skull.

The two contenders were brought out onto the field. The older man had that muddy look in his eye that spoke of that certain kind of violence you'd normally see in the eye of someone who just doesn't really care who is under his fist. Just so long as there is a face under it when it lands. He was not handsome, his was a body designed for work. His face was the same mask worn by those who throughout the years decided to use force to silence what they did not understand or thought could embarrass them.

The boy's eyes shown with courage and resolve, his handsome, almost effeminate face portraying an honesty that can only come from those who are pure in their spirit and conviction. His body was lithe and well cared for, gleaming in the setting sun. Truly he was a champion of discovery and the expansion of ideals.

Azula, Chou, and Shi all hoped the old man would snap the little punk it two.

The fight began, slightly slower than normal. Neither fighter had seen recent combat and they were also unfamiliar with their opponent's style as well. A few quick grapples and escapes, a few fireballs thrown back and forth, nothing serious, just enough to properly gauge each other.

Shi returned with the pair's drinks, fresh FirePapaya juice with actual ice in the cups. They took them without sparing Shi a second glance even though he had gone out of his way to find the drinks. Also he had paid with them with his own money, not to mention the arduous task of getting them back before the ice melted. Those ungrateful-

---

"Hey!" She snapped her fingers. "Not bitter are we?"

"Well it wasn't easy!" Shi snapped.

"Well now you should feel some empathy for those poor serving girls who you've just disregarded all these years." She said smugly.

Shi sighed. "Fine, fine. So, they're watching the fight, and at some point Chou decided to put his arm around Azula's shoulder."

"What?! Why? Did he want to die then and there!?"

---

Well…if he was going to die, at least he could be remember going out…like a crazy lunatic who dared touch the princess.

He had decided to pull out when he found that his traitorous bastard of an arm was already around Azula's shoulder.

His brain just shut down at that point and he stared straight forward, awaiting the pain that was about to come.

Azula was furious. How DARE this…boy, touch HER! She could have him executed for this. In fact, she wasn't even going to bother having to ask someone else to kill him, or set a date for it. Right here, right now, her date was going to end. Wait…didn't Ty Lee mention something about this? She went back to the list.

_Don't hurt him for putting his arm on your shoulder._

She frowned and shot Chou a glare. He was still staring out at the fight. She went back to the cheat sheet.

_No. Seriously, I mean it about the shoulder thing._

She growled in the back of her throat.

_I MADE you PROMISE this back at the palace!_

Fine. She HAD promised…and it wasn't as if he was attempting any sort of attack. Also, Ty Lee had explained this was normal behavior on a date, so she decided to let it slide and attempted to relax a little. The hand was soon withdrawn and Chou seemed to make no motion to try it again. He couldn't, all feeling had left his arm in a mass panic to try and avoid the searing pain that was going to be vested upon it.

The fight continued and the young man was faring badly. He was clearly out classed in both firebending skill and fighting skill. The only things that had kept this from being a very short match were that he was extremely quick and the old man seemed determined to make his opponent suffer as much as possible before ending the match.

It pleased Azula to no end. However, she was a little mystified at her date's face. When the old man would attack and maneuver he would light up animatedly and shout encouragement. When the young man failed in his assaults, which were often, he would just roll his eyes and scowl.

"Is something the matter?" She asked.

"It just amazes me on how stupid people can be in battle. That boy has had seven different opportunities to cripple the old man." Chou fumed. "The elder is obviously favoring his right side. The slight scarring on his face indicates that he had damage to his face and eyes at some point."

Azula raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

"Well, the old man is aware of his limitations and is making sure that his dominant side is always facing forward, however that leaves his observations of the arena drastically limited." Chou smiled as he gestured, lost in the thrill of explaining his tactical genius. "All one has to do is, by using a diagonal Tiger-Swan stance you could force him against the wall."

"Ah but that would leave you open to a stance of Jumping Swallow." Azula said.

"No," Chou shook his head. "You forget that our friend is aware of his own weakness. The Jumping Swallow leaves wide angle attacks open." Chou smiles. "Even if he did, Tiger-Swan can be changed into…"

Azula nodded. "Spitting frog, which would end the match then and there if it hit a weak spot."

Chou nodded. "Exactly, so you drop to Duck-Turtle and allow yourself to be pushed back."

"But once you get to the wall, Duck-Turtle gains such an advantage."

"Which is why when the eventual charge happens you simply dodge, being in Tiger-Swan." Chou smiles. "Basic move."

"Then what? All you have managed to do, if I follow you correctly, is position it so your right hand is about…here." She gestured to her hip. "On your opponent. Hardly a weak spot, and for just two seconds."

"If you're using fire." Chou grinned. "Everyone forgets that there is one more weapon on this field."

"Oh?" Azula frowned. "What's that?"

Chou pointed at the ground. "These pieces of shale are rather brittle, and could never be used as a full on weapon. But…" He picked it up and held one by the side. "At the right speed, held at a sight angle, you could slash your opponent's stomach open."

Azula's eyes lit up. "Oh, I never considered that. And you could repeat the process as well, as long as you positioned yourself accordingly. You opponent would be literally covered in lacerations by the end of the fight."

"Exactly, there's just…so much pointless posturing." Chou scowled. "In every competition you should seek to dominate your opponent in the most efficient way. That's the whole POINT of competition isn't it? To have that wonderful feeling in your stomach when you've twisted the rules to your advantage and smirking as your opponent has to choke back his defeat." Chou shot Shi a look of smug satisfaction.

Azula actually found herself nodding and smiling. "It does seem that the younger fighter is a rank amateur. It shouldn't be long until he's dead."

Just as she said that the boy on the field suffered another hard punch to his abdomen and went sprawling across the field.

"Ugh, I can't stand this." Chou sat back with a look of disgust. "I swear that old man would be dead on the ground already if that boy followed my instructions."

Azula raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Oh really?" She turned to the pair, returning to that awkward motion where one waits for the other to attack. "You! Boy!"

The kid, along with the old man, both turned to look. The boy pointed to himself a questioning look on his face.

"Yes, you. Come here. Now." She motioned with a finger. The boy dutifully obeyed and walked over to the pair.

Azula smiled and gestured to Chou. "Here he is. Advise." She turned to him. "You are to do exactly as he says. Understand?"

The boy nodded, eyes full of fear, and turned to Chou.

Chou didn't ever feel nervous as he stood up and began whispering into the boy's ear, detailing the strategy he had just explained to Azula. The boy asked a few questions, and Chou pointed out positions on the field. After about five minutes the boy seemed to understand what he needed to do. The pair returned to the middle of the field, and the battle resumed.

After only five minuets the old man had several gashes on his body and was starting to falter.

Azula raised and eyebrow. She was slightly impressed. Maybe he wasn't one for battle, but there was always something to be said about a good tactician.

After only five minutes more the elder competitor was on the ground, and the boy was preparing the killing blow. His hand holding a large rock, the older man at his feet. All he had to do, to win his love and their acceptance would be to bring his hand down.

He paused.

Azula's face went into a scowl as she knew what was coming.

"Oh…no…please no." Chou stood up, a disgusted look on his face. "That brat isn't going to do what I think he is, is he?"

"No." He dropped the rock to his feet. "I can't do it. Not like this…" He took a deep breath and turned to the crowd, but before he could get one word out of his touching and rousing speech on the nature of love and mercy that would bet written down and retold for ages, he was interrupted.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Azula and Chou exclaimed at the same time.

"Come on." Chou stood up and motioned for Azula to follow. His anger over riding his other thoughts of self-preservation. "Let's leave before we're forced to watch any more of this saccharine nonsense."

Azula blinked. Was he fool enough to be ORDERING her what to do? Strangely though…she didn't seem to mind. After all, he seemed to be just as disappointed as she was at the lack of bloodshed. She stood and actually gave…oh…what was his name…Chow was it? No matter. She gave her 'date' a brief actual smile…well…as close to one she could manage anyway.

"Yes, let's go to dinner before I lose my appetite." She walked past him towards the arena exit, Chou and Shi right behind her.

---

"What happened to the fighters?" She asked.

Shi blinked. "Oh, when everyone was distracted by the two of them the old man grabbed the rock and smashed the kid's face in."

"What?!"

"Yeah. Didn't kill him…well…he didn't die on the Agni Kai field anyway." He blinked at her shocked face. "Oh not like that, the old man showed SOME mercy. His 'true love' dumped him when he saw his disfigured face. What happened after that…" Shi shrugged. "Well, people do stupid things with a broken heart."

Again the two prisoners took a moment of silent contemplation on how some people could be even crueler than Azula. She cleared her throat. "So…dinner was next correct? I assume that was fun."

"More fun than you'd might expect. You see, there was a little bit of information that Chou left out when he said he had reservations at Madusara's."

"What was that?" She grinned.

"That he didn't have them."


	4. Chapter 4

The jail was rather well designed

Azula's First Date

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I got nothing, Nick got Avatar and needs to air more eps now.

000

The jail was rather well designed. It wasn't perfect, there really wasn't the technology available to create one what with the utility bending provided, but it wasn't bad. Strong stone and metal construction, a well-staffed and properly rotated guard schedule with random spot checks. There were no leaks or cracks in the walls, everything well maintained. True, if there were a group of people, with a bender of each element present, and provided that the earth bender could bend metal, and as long as there were one or two people skilled with an actual weapon that HAD weapons, then that group would be able to make a rather thrilling attempt at escape which might possibly even result in a fire...or maybe even an explosion.

However, for three prisoners, without weapons, only one person a bender (a mediocre one at that), and in the third person's case, without a seemingly functional brain, their chances were fairly small. Also...well...She honestly thought about this too, maybe it was better that there wasn't a thrilling escape attempt. Such an event would invariably allow everyone in here to escape and She knew that was not a good thing. Apart from her conversations with Shi, she listened to the other prisoners as well. Some talked, some screamed, some mumbled, and none of it was pleasant.

This was a prison for people to disappear in, but just a little less than half of these people were here for reasons similar to that of Her, Shi, and Chou. The rest were there for other reasons. Murderers who did more than just end a person's life, armchair torturers who viewed making a puppy scream for hours as being a fun evening, people responsible for crimes that leave women weeping, and those responsible for crimes that made children weep…or worse.

The fact that She was jailed in along with these...creatures...burned as an insult. She also had to admire the sheer brilliance of it. Azula had trapped Her in a cage She truly did not want to destroy. Genius.

It had been a few days since the last time She and Shi had spoken to each other. Either She was being…entertained or those other two were taken away for reasons unspoken of. Some days they would just sleep, an effort in itself to get the body to relax, and the brain to not torture with dreams. There would be small mind games to play, people in other cells to talk to, and She would always study the movements of the guards. There was actually a lot to keep the mind occupied. Of course, there is always a limit, and there came a long dull stretch of time, with nothing to do but watch the torches that lit the place flicker.

She cleared her throat and felt a rush of excitement when she heard the corresponding cough.  "Where was I?" Shi asked.  

"Dinner." She responded.  

"Ah, right. Oh, quick question. Do you know what a restaurant is?"  

She sighed. "I'm not a total Earth Kingdom bumpkin you know. It's a place where you pay to have other people cook and feed you."

Shi paused._ She's from the Earth Kingdom? Interesting._ "Yeah, that's the general idea of it. Madusara's is a little different though, it's considered to be the best restaurant in the Fire Nation."

"Really? Is the food good?"  "No, it's absolutely wretched, and you barely get anything bigger than a Lilly Hopper's leg…and yes they do cook those."

"Ick!" She made a face. "So, do the servers do something special? Sing, dance, magic tricks?"

 "Nope, it's the worst service in the world. The waiters will actively insult you and that's when you pay them in gold."  There was a puzzled silence, after a moment she spoke. "So…why is it the best place in the Fire Nation, why do people even GO to it in the first place?"

"Because it's hard to get into."

 "What?"

 "You can't just walk up and ask for a seat or go in and sit down like any teahouse." Shi said simply, as if he were explaining something simple to a child, like cold fusion. "You need to have reservations."

"So you ask to eat there later…is that it?"  

"No, because they won't let you make them."  

"Excuse me?"

 "Madusara's will out and out refuse to let you even have the CHANCE of eating there, some noble families have to wait years in advance just to eat there once." He chuckled. "There's a legend that when Madusara first opened his little place of business he refused to sit Avatar Roku because his robes were slightly muddy."

"You're kidding."

 "There's a painting on the wall commemorating the event." He sighed. "Anyway, it's not so important that you have a good time or that you not get sick from eating undercooked or categorically poisonous food, rather it's more important that OTHERS know that you are dining at Madusara's."

"That's crazy." She shook her head. What kind of civilization was this when the mere act of exclusivity was championed? "So, even though the food is horrid Chou thought that it'd be a good idea to take her there just because it might look good to others?"

"This is Azula we're talking about."  

She thought about it for three seconds. "Good point. So, you dragged the pair to this place after they left the fight."

--  

The talk during the trip to Madusara's was rather pleasant. Azula did most of the talking; explaining her brilliance in battle and some of her favorite maneuvers, if one didn't know better you'd think she was having a good time. Chou did the smart thing by nodding and agreeing with her. Azula even seemed honestly interested in actually learning what his name was. The possibility of both men living to see who would have to dress in women's clothing tomorrow was actually starting to look feasible.

"So, where are we going to eat?" She asked idly.  

"We're going to Madusara's." Chou said.  

"Really?" She blinked. "That is most satisfactory." She took a quick glance at her cheat sheet.  

_If you're having fun you can sit closer to him._

  She nodded to herself in approval and turned to Chou. "You may move two inches closer to me now."

  "E-excuse me?"

  "I will not make the offer twice. You have gained favor, I suggest you not waste it." Chou carefully moved what he hoped was exactly two inches closer to Azula. She smiled at him. "I do hope you continue this trend of pleasing me."

"As do I." Chou nodded cold sweat trickling down his back. The idea of surviving this date once again became a very very faint pipe dream. After what seemed to be far far too long the tri arrived in front of the decadently adorned entrance of Madusara's.

The building was well constructed of well varnished wood, and the entry was so horribly tacky that it went all the way around and became classy again. Excessive amounts of gold leaf trim, carvings of Rainbow Eels cavorting in a stream that wound it's way up the frame to culminate in the family crest of Madusara done in colored glass that no matter what time of the day, always shone right in your eyes.

"Please wait here." Chou said to Azula as he got out of the rickshaw. "My servant and I will be right back. I must make sure we were given a suitable table."

Azula nodded and waved the two off. They entered the restaurant and waited for one of the waiters to decide that they wouldn't leave until one of them talked to them.

"So," Shi nudged Chou. "How'd you get reservations here? I've got to say I am honestly impressed with your abi-"

"I don't." Chou mumbled.  

There was a pause.

"You don't, what?" Shi said slowly fearing the answer.

  "Reservations." Chou swallowed. He was breathing heavily again and looked like something spiny and irregularly shaped was working its way out of his colon. "I just told them this morning that the Princess was coming and she expected a table. They said they'd see what they could do."

"And you BELIEVED them?!"

  "Yeah."

  "We're dead."

  "What do you want?" A dry voice said. Take the image of every waiter that was so bad you actively went looking for the comment cards. Put them all together in some horrible mishmasher and pull out the bitter, hateful, scathing creature with no patience, a receding hairline that makes him look older than he is, good skin, and good teeth, and you have the creature that stood before the pair.

"I'm here for dinner."

  The waiter stared at him for a while. "And what would you like me to do about it?"

  Chou's voice was filled with a strange calm sounding kind of panic. "Please, seat me and my date and serve us."

  The waiter sniffed. "Sorry, we're all full tonight."

  Chou and Shi peered behind the waiter and looked into the bowels of Madusara's. There were about 15 tables. Only three of them had people. "It looks like you have vacancies."

"Those tables are reserved."

"But you said earlier that when Princess Azula and I came there's be a table!"

  "I said I'd see what I can do." He sniffed again. "And I didn't see any openings…but I can take your name down if you leave now."

"But, this is the Princess Azula."

  "So?" The waiter scoffed. "I don't care if it's Ozai himself out that door. We will not seat him without a proper reservation.

"What do you think will happen when I tell her that you are refusing to sit her?"   "If you want sir, I can walk out of here and tell her myself that you failed to gain reservations and will not be dining here tonight." He smiled.

000

  Shi was forced to pause in his story so She could regain Her breath after laughing so hard.

  "Are you done yet?"

  "snnrk…heheheh…yeah, yeah I'm…go-BWAHAHAHA!" She fell over laughing again. Five minutes later, wiping her eyes she waved at Shi. "Sorry." She gasped. "Go on, go on."

  "You know we didn't think it was that funny you know." Shi growled. After a bit he smirked. "But trust me, that bastard got his."

000

  In another world perhaps Chou called his bluff. It didn't end well…although the waiter did survive…in the loosest sense of the term. In this world however, Chou did the smart thing and chickened out. If he was lucky maybe he too would survive…in the loosest sense of the word.

"Besides," the waiter sniffed. "We already are serving royalty tonight and we do not see any need to add another."

  Chou looked up and saw them sitting in a booth near the back, and suddenly felt warm sweeping relief come over him. The pair at the table were staring at the food in front of them and at each other with that same 'Why did we come here exactly?' look that all patrons of Madusara's gained. Along with that relief came an idea of what Chou was going to do. He turned to the head waiter. "Where exactly is the kitchen?"

  The waiter blinked and pointed towards the back. "That way of course, why do you a-hey, HEY! You can't go back there!" He shouted as Chou walked straight in that direction, motioning for Shi to follow.

The kitchen was the same as in any well run restaurant. Busy, surfaces continually oscillating between pristine and messy, people shouting back and forth in calm voices, and a plethora of smells all crashing into one another. Chou and Shi didn't bother with the people who were cooking, cleaning, or shuttling food around. Chou just dropped a small coin purse on a clear counter and started to help himself to the pantry. He and Shi, under his orders, took down jars and paper wrapped packets of food, a few vegetables and fruits, and a couple of water skins and bottles. Everything went into a large basket he had found pushed to one side. After a moment he nodded to Shi, and the two left. On the way out Chou picked up a large skillet filled with Lilly Hopper legs sizzling in oil by the handle with the cloth. The kitchen continued to operate.

"What do you think you're doing?! What do you have in that basket! I'm going to call the authori-" CLONG!

  The snooty waiter and the still sizzling skillet hit the floor. Zuko and Mai stared at the scene as Chou and Shi calmly exited Madusara's.

  "No I DON'T know what happened to that moron waiter afterwards and I don't care." Shi snapped anticipating Her question.

  "Thank you for waiting your highness." Chou smiled as he held up the basket. "I had to go pick up the food for our picnic dinner."

"Why are we not dining inside?" Azula asked through narrowed eyes.

  "They did not have the exact table I wished for us ready, also some of the other patrons were not suitable to be dined with." He sighed. "This restaurant has apparently gone downhill."

"So?" Azula scoffed. "We shall simply 'ask' them to leave."

  "I would, but his majesty, your brother, the prince is dining there with company. I would not have us dine with them."

Azula did not share that sentiment. She thought that dining along side Zuzu and showing off her superior date to him and spoiling his dinner would be a wonderful thing. "Why not?" Her voice had that certain edge to it that usually ended in something terrible occurring. This time Shi had already plotted out his escape route.

"I would not have us appear to arrive second to Madusara's." Chou said with just a faint hint of a waver in his voice.

Azula paused and considered the implications. Arriving second to Madusara's? Having to wait as she watched Zuzu and Mai eat and have to watch them walk away from her? Unacceptable. She then considered the idea of telling Zuzu that while HE only too Mai to Madusara's a place EVERY fire nation noble had been to, HER date had taken her on a private EXCLUSIVE picnic JUST for her. Yes…that would do nicely.  "Fine…but the picnic site must be suitably romantic." She nodded. "But none of that saccharine tripe like cherry blossoms or a rolling glassy meadow."

"How about there?" Shi pointed out to a pier on the water. At the end there was a little bench. "I suppose it will do." Azula waved her hand and Shi pulled on. Immediately wishing he hadn't pointed at something that was so damn far away.

They arrived with only a little bit of awkwardness at an attempt to talk about the weather. It didn't go well. The sun was just about to begin to set. Shi was unfairly forced to set up the picnic as those two layabouts just stared at the damn ocean.

000

What did I tell you about personal commentary?" She snapped.

Shi just scowled. "I feel as if you are under appreciating my suffering."

"It's not like there's a lack of that here." She replied.

Shi sighed. "Fine fine, anyway the food was set out, they ate. I ate back at the rickshaw. I supposed they talked about something meaningless or disturbing. When I went back to check on them, and set up dessert the disaster happened."

"What disaster?"

000

"What is that?" Azula pointed at the small white bottle Shi had placed with the other water skins of juice. She had often seen bottles like that at banquets but never had the chance to ask. All she knew was that it was some kind of drink served in either small cups or tiny saucers. Chou had both.

000

"Oh no…don't tell me…" Her eyes went wide. "Sake?"

"You know about sake?"

"Yeah well, you know…it's a very special occasion, you're out with the girls on someone's birthday. You have a little naughty fun drinking when you know you shouldn't. You decide to sample the bottles in the cabinet cause your sick of cactus juice." She shrugged. "How about you two?"

"We've been drinking since we were about eleven." Shi said calmly. "Fire nation nobles don't really watch their kids…or lock their liquor cabinets well."

"But Azula?"

"No clue…and a total lightweight. So, anyways…"

000

"What is that?" Azula tried not to sound too interested, but she was obviously curious.

"Hmmm?" He points at the white bottle. "Oh this is a drink for me. You ever hear of sake?"

"Sake? Isn't that something the lower class drinks?" Azula makes a face.

"Yes, but I do suppose we all have our own personal vices." Chou sighs. "However, there's a difference between this and what the rabble drinks. Like the difference between a red shirt, and a red shirt that's been properly woven and dyed."

Azula seemed to consider that explanation for a moment. "Intriguing choice of words. Fine, I'll try your...sake."

Chou blinks. "Well..." He looked at Shi who just made a nasty grin. "It may not be something you're used to." He frowned. "It isn't a sweet drink like nectar or juice. It's sort of bitter and strong."

"Did I ask what it tastes like?" Azula frowned at him. "I _said_ I'll try it."

XXX

Meanwhile, on another island...

"I just had the weirdest shiver." Aang mumbles.

"Probably just the weather, or something coming to kill us. Come on, Katara and Toph are waiting." Sokka replied.

XXX

"Alright alright." Chou held up a hand as he poured her a saucer. "Just so you aren't surprised by the taste."

"Are you saying I can't handle a simple drink?"

"No!" Chou frowned. "Just making sure that you're informed." He hands her the small saucer. "Here."

"Hmph!" Azula snatched the saucer and stared at the almost clear liquid. "This is it?"

"Yes, you traditionally have small amounts through out the entire meal rather than just one large cup." Chou poured himself his own saucer and raised it. "To the inevitable victories of our great nation."

Shi just rolled his eyes and opened up a juice-filled waterskiing. "Oh for some cactus juice..." He muttered.

"To the victories," Azula shortens it and raises her saucer. She then downs the whole thing in one gulp.

Chou slightly scooted backwards. Shi stepped behind the rickshaw.

There's was pause while Azula sat there for a moment, not moving. Then a strip of red seemed to appear across her face. "Wow, that's not bad..."

"Holy crap she's a featherweight!" Shi mumbled.

Chou downed his saucer not noticing. "I told you, I get the best."

"Give me some more, butterfly-boy!" Azula held out her saucer again to Chou.

XXX

"Okay," Sokka stopped mid step. "Now even I felt that one."

XXX

Chou blinked, realizing what was happening. "Ummm...wouldn't you rather like some..." He sighed knowing what the answer would be. "Of course." He poured her another saucer and refilled his own. "To the triumphs."

To the triumphs!" Again, Azula downed the whole thing.

Chou emptied his. "Ohhh, this isn't going to end well." He muttered.

"Aaah!" she exhaled deeply, face turning a bit redder. She sat there for a moment, eyes half closed, staring out at the ocean.

Chou took a deep breath and looked at Azula. "So...tell me all about your triumph over those Earth Barbarians." There that should be a safe thing to talk about, he supposed.

Azula seemed to snap out of some deep thought. "Don't even get me started on those Earth Kingdom scum!" she declared. Then she looked down at the small bowl in front of her. "What the...hell...is this?!"

"Chilled candied ember peaches."

Oh..." Azula picks up one of the glistening slices and gingerly took a bite. She seemed to taste it for a moment before finally nodding her head in approval. "I suppose it'll do." She then looked sideways at Chou. "What are you staring at?! Don't make me Firebend you into the next life!" The sake seemed to affect her anger...on an ever-growing exponential scale.

"Pardon me." He turns to his own bowl of peaches. "It's hard not to look at the most beautiful woman in the world."

000

"Oh come on, even that's a little much." She snapped.

"You weren't staring down a tipsy Azula." Shi replied.

000

"Well, I suppose that is an adequate answer..." Azula nibbled her desert a little more. "I was expecting a bit more out of this date, I admit, but I suppose it's not horrible."

At this point Shi stood up and walked next to Azula. "And would her majesty like another drink while she waits? Some nectar, water, juice perhaps?" He said, holding the sake bottle in his hands. Chou had a deer in the headlights look on his face, slightly shaking his head no.

000

"Oh that was just cruel."

"I honestly couldn't help myself."

000

"Hmm, give me some more sake. And don't make it a weakling's amount like you've been giving me. Give a girl a real drink."

"At once your majesty." Shi took one of the small teacups and filled it. "For the victories." He said as he handed it to her. Chou at this point had given up and decided to get wasted too.

"For the victories!" she raised it up high and then took a couple of gulps. "Aaah! Now that's a drink!"

XXX

"Why are you two boys hiding in the closet?" Katara asked.

XXX

Shi, as the ever obedient servant, refilled her cup

"Aah, thank you...Sh...Sh...manslave..."

"I live to serve." He said bowing, a huge gleeful smile on his face. "Care for another?"

"In a minute...let my shyshtems catch up...I think it may be...impairing me..." Azula said holding up a finger her head bobbing back and forth slightly.

Chou gained a look of sheer relief on his face. He snapped his fingers. "Servant! Go and prepare the Uro-Seb Tea for her majesty."

"But that stuff's expen-"

"Do. It. Now!" Chou shots him a death glare.

000

"The what?" She asked.

"It's a tea made from a moss that grows on a tree. Best way to sober up in a hurry. Tastes horrible though, and it's very expensive." Shi explained.

"Huh…didn't know that."

"Well next time your decide to get drunk and are not locked in a prison with next to no hope of escape or rescue then you'll know what to do then, so I go get the tea and come back and things have actually gotten worse."

"How?!"

000

"Hey…hows about you ditch this loser and go out with me huh?" A drunk had wandered down the pier and was actually hitting on Azula.

To make matters worse Azula was actually letting him.

And to top it all off Chou was now, on a scale of one to ten, extremely inebriated.

Shi honestly thought it would be better to turn around and walk away, but that would have meant forfeiting the bet.

"Just walk away buddy. The princess is with me." Chou said poking the three inch taller and twelve pound heavier man in the chest. "Got it?"

"Bug off," The man said pushing Chou away. "This woman needs a real man not some shrimp like you." He turned to Azula and grinned. "So…wanna go have some real fun?"

Azula honestly blushed. That was the time Chou stabbed a fork into the drunk man's leg. He screamed in pain, and then Chou charged into him, shoving him over the railing into the water.

"Bastard…" He looked at Azula. "This is MY date." He smiled.

Azula looked honestly impressed.

That's when Chou stepped in with the tea.

000

"So…" She said smiling. "Guess what I'm about to ask."

"He's dead." Shi said calmly. After a moment he just groaned and roll his eyes. "Some fishermen pulled him out and he healed and sobered up. It wasn't that big of a wound."

"Oh."

"Not every person we meet turns into a horror story." He sighed. "Law of averages sort of sees to it anyway."

000

"Ugh…that stuff is wretched." Azula made a face. "But my head does feel clearer." She turned to Chou and nodded. "It was quite satisfactory how you dealt with that boorish drunk…Chou."

"Thank you your majesty." Chou said trying to get the bitter taste out of his mouth.

Azula looked at her cheat sheet one more time.

_At the end of the day let him walk you home…and hold hands!_

"I wish to go home now." She said standing up. "I also will not be riding in that piece of trash any longer." She grabbed Chou's hand. "Escort me home and do not let go of my hand unless you wish to lose yours."

"Of course. It is getting late." Chou said and let the clean up to Shi.

000

"So that was dinner…and I think the guards are due any time to give us ours." Shi sighed.

"I guess Chou had won the bet by then right?" She said smiling.

"No no. There was one last thing he needed to do before he won." Shi grinned.

"The goodnight kiss."


	5. Chapter 5

Azula's First Date  Chapter 5

Azula's First Date  Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Nick has all these people. I have nothing. This is just for fun.

000000

"Three…two…one…door. Guard who smells like oranges." She said quietly, her eyes closed. As if on cue the door opened and a guard did a patrol of the cells, also a cloying orange scent seemed to constantly hang around him. The reason was that his fiancée worked in an orange orchard and they would spend many an evening after work there enjoying each other's company. She didn't know that much, she was just considering if she needed to kill him or just knock him out. Knocking someone out is, contrary to popular belief, much easier than killing someone. Knocking someone out just required a swift swing and something heavy. The rest of the details settled themselves. Killing someone required planning before hand, something that could be properly used as a killing weapon, and planning afterwards because knocked out bodies raised alarm, true. However a guard finding a dead body not only raised the alarm, but it also made everyone that was coming after you try to kill you, rather than just capture you, so you ended up wasting more time hiding a body. It really was a trade off.

Either way, it had taken a while, but She had finally mastered the schedule of all the guards. Random spot checks were never really random. The way they worked were the same way She and her girls used to do it. You take a bowl and throw in it slips of paper with times of the day written on them. You pulled out four and then you went on those patrols along with the normally scheduled ones. The only problem was that if a prisoner was very very watchful, he or she could take a guess as to what increments of time were thrown into the bowl. For example, if a regular patrol took 12 minutes you didn't put in times that were less than 12 minutes apart. It kept patrols from overlapping. However, while humans are constant, they are in no way exact. She never met a soldier who didn't try to finish a patrol as quickly as possible, it was no different here.

In this case the patrols were always spaced 14 minutes apart. The guards, however, took only about 8 minutes to scan all the cells. So, even if there was one patrol right after another she would possibly have six minutes before the next. Give allowances for different speeds, or if someone important was watching them, or if luck just wasn't on her side, and she supposed she would have two minutes of opportunity. That wasn't much time, but She could make good use of those two minutes if She could pull off a few things, had a little more rope, and could get the damn door open. Picking the lock without anything more than some brittle straw from her bed wasn't a quick or subtle process. Still, at least she was making progress on her escape plan, soon she'd be ready to make a break for it.

But first, She just HAD to hear the end of this story.

  Cough. Cleared throat.

  "So, we're at the big finish?"

  "You have no idea. I suppose I should have worried when I realized that Azula was actually having a good time." Shi sighed. "It was a cool evening, and the way back to the palace had them wind their way through a park. I trailed behind them, even after all of that I was still curious to see if he was going to win the bet or not." He shuddered. "This was perhaps the worst part of the entire experience."

000000

"I have decided that I have had a pleasant time." Azula said out of the blue as the pair walked along the park trail. She had Chou's hand in hers. Chou's hand was now a shade of blue that's more familiar to artists and less familiar to human flesh.

"Glad to hear that." Chou nodded

.   "Although I am not certain on your qualities as a mate at this point, I will say that you make a very suitable person to be seen with myself. You'll be quite useful to me." She nodded to herself. "It will be nice to have someone to sit beside me at formal functions." She smiled more to herself than Chou. "Of course you will have to be…modified…slightly, and Father must give his approval." She turned to Chou and unless you knew better you would almost think that there was a single shred of concern in her eyes. "I do hope he doesn't kill you. It would be inconvenient for me to find another one like yourself."

"Of course." Chou nodded praying that his hand would soon be going numb. He hadn't registered fully the magnitude of horrors that were in Azula's last statement.

There were other people out in the park, a good many of them there for the same reason as Chou and Azula. There were also some children running about playing games, hiding from their parents, and catching fireflies. It was picturesque really, when Fire Nation propagandists needed an example of the kinder, gentler side of the Fire Nation this evening in this park would have been ideal.

Of course in that sentence the key words are 'would have.'

  The trio's attention was slightly diverted by the kids catching fireflies. There were about five of them and they were even lucky enough to have an actual glass jar with a latched lid to put their captured bugs in.

Azula made a soft sound in the back of her throat. It might have been a sigh.

  Chou had finally caught up to the conversation and was dwelling on the word 'modified.' He tried to come up with a few ideas of what she meant by that. His imagination, out of preservation of what was left of his sanity, promptly refused. He then decided that the best thing would be to keep Azula from thinking of 'second dates.'

"Excuse me." He slowly managed to pull his hand out of Azula's grip. She looked momentarily surprised.

  "What did I say about letting go of my ha-" She paused as Chou held up his hand.

  "I'll be right back." He said and walked over to the kids catching fireflies. Azula saw Chou go up to the kids, point at the jar. The kids yelled something back at Chou, Chou then pushed one of the kids down hard and the others scattered crying. Chou picked up the bottle, now filled with fireflies and presented it to Azula. "For you."

00000

  "He actually stole from children?" She asked a little appalled.

  "He did no such thing." Shi huffed. "He set that whole thing up. That was HIS jar!"

  "Huh?"

  "Okay, here's what really happened."

 00000

  Chou approached the small mob, making sure Azula was out of earshot. "Hey kids. How many did you catch?" He pointed at the jar.

"30!" One of the kids chirped. "That's six coins for each of us!"  

"Fine." Carefully, out of Azula's sight he took out his coin purse and counted out 30 coins. "If one of you lets me push you down I'll make it 36."

The kids all looked shocked and one immediately stepped forward.

  Chou quickly shoved the kid down, well…he put the coin purse in the kid's hand as he grabbed it and gave a soft push. The kid completely hammed up the fall, and him and the five other brats he was with took off like wasp-bats out of hell. Chou then picked up his jar and walked back to Azula.

"For you."  

00000

  "Chou set it up beforehand." Shi shrugged. "I think he thought Azula would like it."

  "Giving her gifts while also abusing children?" She nodded. "Your friend is…was…very clever."

  "Yeah…hopefully he'll get to be clever again." Shi sighed. "Anyway, Azula was actually pleasantly surprised."  

00000  

"Thank you." That was probably one of the very very few times Azula said those words and honestly meant them. "I was never any good at catching these things when I was young." Azula stared at the bottle thoughtfully. "Animals don't seem to like me. But then again," She shrugged. "I do not care much for animals either, especially pointless bugs like these." She threw the jar over her shoulder and let it smash against the stone of the pathway, the little bugs flew into the night sky.

00000  

"Don't laugh." Shi snapped. "That jar probably cost more than the whole date itself!"  

00000

The rest of the walk home was uneventful, and soon they arrived at the steps to the palace. "Well…" Chou smiled. "Here we are." He made a quick gesture to the palace. "I had a nice time tonight. I'm sure I'll never forget it as long as I live."

"Yes." Azula said feeling rather…odd. "It was an…above satisfactory night. I had fun?" The word felt strange in her mouth. She took a look at Ty Lee's list.

_Let him kiss you. Once, on the lips, quickly._

_It won't hurt._

_And don't kill him._

_Really._

_I mean it._

_Please?_

_At least try!_

She frowned. That was just not going to happen. And if the boy…Chou…had any sense of self-preservation he would know that too.

"Well, it's getting late." Chou smiled. "I wish you all the best in your quest for domination." He swallowed his fear, plucked up his courage.

And extended his hand for a handshake.

He was brave, not suicidal. Screw the bet, he just wanted to LIVE to see tomorrow, dressed in women's clothing or not.

Azula blinked at the extended hand. Normally she wouldn't even consider such a useless gesture…but…well…she had an agreeable experience. Why not?

Right as she began to extend her hand she saw a sight that made her blood boil involuntarily.

Zuko and Mai were returning from their date as well. Walking hand in hand and slightly smiling at each other, they walked right up next to Azula, Chou, and Shi. Zuko ran a quick eye over Chou, to see who would be fool enough to take his sister out on a date. Chou turned to look at the prince, his hand still extended towards Azula.

"I had a nice time tonight." Mai said softly.

"Me, too." Zuko replied.

The pair shared a brief, quick kiss.

Mai then went up the stairs and inside the palace. Zuko watched her go, and then turned to Azula and Chou and gave a short sound of amusement and turned to head up the stairs as well.

Chou turned back to look at Azula.

Her face was livid with rage staring at her brother. Chou felt his heart beat begin to race wildly. Then she locked eyes with Chou, she was still mad. Shi took a few large steps back wards to get out of the blast range. Chou tried to keep from fainting as the blood rushed out of his body.

What happened next happened very quickly.

Azula grabbed Chou's still outstretched hand, and used it to pull him close. She took her other hand placed it behind Chou's head and kissed him.

On the lips.

Hard.

For about three seconds.

Then she let go. Chou staggered back. Eyes wide and blinking, completely stunned, slight wisps of smoke coming from his lips. Zuko was staring at the pair, stunned. Shi just gaped, his mouth hung wide open in awe. Azula looked very pleased with herself.

"Thank you for the date Chou." Azula said, turning to look at her brother. "It was much much better than just nice. Perhaps you'll enjoy my company again sometime, good night." She walked up the steps, past her irked brother and into the palace, where she was thoroughly grilled by Ty Lee on what happened.

Chou's legs finally gave out and he sat down, hard, on the palace steps, staring vacantly. Hands softly touching his lips, Zuko gave him a short scowl and finished his climb up the stairs.

Shi ran up to his friend. "I-I I can't believe it!" He smiled. "You actually pulled it off with all your organs in one piece! You're the luckiest son of a sky bison I've even seen!"

Chou looked up at Shi, smiled, and whispered "I win." Then he promptly passed out on the steps.

Shi blinked, then frowned. "NUTS!"

000000

"That's it?" She asked.

"That's it." Shi shrugged. "Two days later, we're in the Pai Shou parlor, a bunch of soldiers come in and escort us to the palace. We get there and Azula is standing in the audience room, absolutely furious. She looks at me dressed like this, and then at Chou. Then she…smiled." Shi shuddered. "Then she says two words that tell me that I was going to end up here if I was lucky."

"What two?"

000000

She stood there actually trembling with rage. Potted plants had burst into flames around her and in her hand was a piece of paper clutched so tightly in a fist she was drawing blood. She looked at the pair and snarled.

"A BET?!"

000000

"You know the rest."

She couldn't hold it in anymore. She laughed, long, loud and hard. That had to be the absolutely funniest thing she had heard since she had made Him dress up in women's clothing.

"I'm glad you find our situation so amusing." Shi grumbled. He looked at his, now sleeping, companion and sighed. "So, now that you know my story, how about you tell me yours?"

She sighed. "Nowhere near as exciting as yours. Prisoner of war, fought Azula and lost. Just like you I had the luck of ending up here."

"Well, you must have some more stories as a soldier then. Tell me, what's your name?"

"Oh, I can't believe I haven't said by now. It's Suki."

Author's Notes: Well it's not like I didn't make it obvious. Anyway, don't worry. This is not the end of the story, I will be answering the questions of what happened to Chou, how the two got caught, and a little more with our prisoners.


End file.
